Learning coping skills!!! DAY 25
Aug 2, 2018
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdpqYKUMyPs

[Music]
good morning and welcome to windy
goodness this week is actually just
flying by I can't believe we're already
Wednesday again it's like where is my
weeks disappearing too I remember as a
kid it was like you know the weeks would
take forever and now it's like boom like
you go to sleep you wake up the next
week anyways so this morning I am off to
my nutritionist counseling so I'm really
excited cuz again I love when I go to my
counselling sessions I always come out
with some new ideas and new things to
think about for the rest of that week
now my nutritionist counseling I do have
every every to to every four weeks
depending on where I'm at in life at the
moment you know if I feel like I need a
little bit more support then I go often
if I feel like I'm kind of in like a
good spot then I feel like I can go a
little bit further on now my other
counsel my trauma counseling I do that
once a week like I I faithfully go to
that one so I just take it by ear when
it comes to my nutritionist and the only
reason why is because you know there's
not as much to talk about in that aspect
so I like giving a couple weeks in
between because then it kind of builds
up some stuff that we can work on for
the week that I go
so anyways and I I apologize for my lips
I know I was watching the video last
night and I was like oh my gosh like
that looks horrible my lips are so dry
and and I I think it started from when I
got that wind chap and it just hasn't
healed and I am a picker so when I know
my lips are chapped I will sit and pick
my lips and pick my lips and that's like
my anxiety thing like I don't know why
I've done that ever since I was a little
girl
and so it doesn't help because I will
not let my lips he'll and I need to
start putting in some Vaseline and
things on it to start getting my skin to
heal up because that's just awful but
anyways I just want to point out that I
am aware my lips look awful awful um I
just need to stop giving them picked
anyways okay I will check in here in a
little bit and let you know how things
went
take care guys so I decided to come to
the park for a little bit and just have
some me time it's been much needed I
needed some just breathing time
so Molly was like just go to the park
and just relax and have some downtime
and I'm like okay I'm like thank you I
need it so I came over here and I bought
this I don't know if anybody has
anything like this it's called an AK you
fit I got it from Walmart today I just
want to try it before we go and like
spend a lot of money on a little like
the real nice ones because sometimes I
can be really anal about things being on
my wrist so I want to try this one first
but I've looked it up on YouTube I
googled it I can't figure out how to
turn the thing on all the ones on
YouTube are the wrong it's the wrong
watch it's the same brand but there's
like a little power button on the top
but this one has no power button and I
can't figure it out so if anybody has
the same one or knows what to do to get
it to power up could somebody let me
know in the comments below because I'm
feeling a little lost
but um yeah because I really was wanting
the Fitbit charge to I think it's called
but there are like a hundred and fifty
dollars and so I was like you know what
I would rather spend fifteen and try it
out first and see how I like it then
make the big jump to a more of an
expensive one just to kind of get the
feel of it and just see how it you know
it fills because like I said I can be
kind of mmm about things being on my
wrist so we'll see if I really like it
then and I keep it on and I am able to
keep up with it then we'll probably make
the jump to actually purchase the real
one but for now this is gonna be my real
one and it still does the job the same
so anywho I hope you guys are having a
great Wednesday so far my day has been
really good we went to Walmart today and
we were picking up a scooter for s
robbed because Omar he goes shopping in
the garage sometimes as we're carrying
him out to the car and he will skim the
garage to see what he needs to bring in
the house so the other day we were
bringing him in the house and he noticed
Mya's old toddler scooter and so he
wanted it in the house we brought it in
the house and oh my gosh where's the
stake ever when you have two kids about
the same age because they were fighting
over it like oh I was like oh my gosh
please took this they go excuse me umm
so I looked him up online and they were
like $25 so I told Holly I said well why
don't we just go to Walmart and get sra1
so that they both have one because you
know they
they will fight over the funniest things
so we went ahead went to Walmart without
her a Minnie Mouse one I'll have to show
you guys when I get home because she was
so excited about it and I'm hoping that
this will save fighting at least a
little bit yeah do what you can and then
I was feeling really guilty and bad
because poor Maya is sitting there and
we're buying you know her a scooter and
Omar has a scooter and I'm like what is
my 11 year old well 10 year old almost
11 year old what would he want and why
is that every time I talk to you guys I
start yawning I don't get it
anyways so I came home and I let him
pick out a SmartWatch off of wish so you
know he was all excited about that and
it comes as like with a little camera on
it and stuff so he was thrilled and I
was happy to see him happy so he did get
something but I told him like but he got
away because it's gonna come in the
middle and it's from wish so you know
it's gonna be a little while but you'll
get it for sure so he was all happy
you'll have it for school anyways as I
keep yawning boy and I'm not even tired
I'm just sitting here and I have not you
on the whole time until I get on to talk
to you guys then I start yawning so it's
like really I'm just trying to pass it
along to you guys anyways so I am hoping
you guys are staying cool today is not
as hot as all the other days like I
would have not been able to sit in my
car any of the other days but I found
some nice shade which makes it nice and
I'll flip my camera around and show you
guys my little video that I get to see
which it's so pretty it really is yeah I
love this little spot so I'll show you
guys what it looks like this is my
amazing shrimp salad let me tell you it
was amazing and for the entire solid it
only was 450 calories I was so excited
when he made that for me
hey you guys so I'm coming to the end of
my night the best time of the day for me
is this time it has been a really good
day actually it wasn't really as hot
today I was able to get some downtime
which is needed was needed much so but
actually we just shut our air
conditioning off because it was like
getting cold I was like oh gosh I think
it's time to shut the air off so um it's
been a really good day I had my my
nutritious counseling um earlier today
and that went really good and it's nice
to meet with her and be able to share
with her like because we only meet me
and her only meet about once every three
to four weeks usually give or take a
week or here if like something's going
on and we just can't meet up but for the
most part I try my hardest to check in
with her at least every couple of weeks
and so it's really nice to be able to
just sit with her and share with her all
of the things that have really been
going good for me and it's such an
amazing feeling to know where I was even
a year ago and sitting on her couch in
her office and sobbing and sharing my
story of my aloneness and the feeling
that I was never gonna succeed I was
gonna end up dying of young age because
of my fat and because I'm unhealthy and
you know I'm not worthy to try and it
just saying there and really looking
from the
where I am today to where I even was a
year ago is so amazing it's such an
amazing feeling to just be like you know
I have come so far from where I started
and when I very first started with her I
was like if you asked me well you know
what what's a way to lose weight um my
answer would be you know no carbs no
sugar I don't have to have you know any
type of like burgers or you know I can't
have ice cream or you know it was all
really restriction restriction
restriction and I know that there are
programs out there like keto and Atkins
I'm not really sure how many other ones
but I know there are some that do like
no carbs and or low carbs and sometimes
that works for people but for me it just
it would never be a successful route for
me because I always took it way over the
extreme like it was either I was gonna
lose weight a hundred percent no shadow
of a doubt cutting down like all my food
cutting out almost all my food and I
would end up at the end of the day been
Jean because I was so hungry and I was
held myself from so much food that it
was just like okay you know like where
um where was it really getting me but
that was my mindset at that time that's
how I felt and if I was in a stressful
environment or there was something going
on that you know cause stress on me I
would binge because that's my coping
mechanism is to hide away and binge
yesterday I I mean
I don't really know what really was
going on yesterday mentally and
emotionally with me but I was really
struggling yesterday to be honest and I
felt like there was a good chance of me
falling into the old habits for my
coping and I was you know having a
really rough day with the kids
the kids had been a handful and my
husband couldn't be physically there
with me a lot of yesterday because he
had to work and so it left me to be with
the kids which okay I I get it you know
I'm a stay-at-home mom this is this is
solely what I signed up for
because I feel like I'm I hate seeing
glares my glasses that's what I'm trying
to avoid here um but you know I signed
up to be a stay-at-home mom and I take
that title very seriously because it's
something I've always wanted but at the
same time you know I the kids were just
being really really hard and I wanted to
just hide in a corner and just eat my
frustration away and even though it
would make me feel possibly good for a
fair moment where it was it going to
lead me to win that high past of the
binge and it's gonna leave me still in
the same situation no matter what I'm
still gonna have to face my children and
the situation going on with them and so
instead of falling into my old ways of
coping I decided to change things up and
I got engaged with the kids and I tried
to figure out what was wrong and you
know I failed at trying to figure out
what was wrong at points because they
just they didn't know what they wanted
but instead
um I went to my Jerome because I can put
my feelings out on papers so much better
than sometimes I can talk them out at
the moment and in the time and so you
know instead of getting angry and
yelling and you know just becoming a mom
that I don't want to be but know it it's
my way of being able to express myself
and put it all out on paper and then
know that I too neat I'm down and I need
my self-care time so once all he came
home I just you know I he could see in
my face that I was just really worked up
and you know when I told him that you
know today was just a really rough day
for me and he felt so bad you know when
I'm like it's not you know I'm not
telling you this to feel bad because I
understand you have to work but you know
I can really use a break and he was like
go go do whatever you want to do take
some time for yourself and so I was like
you know what a nice hot shower sounds
good so I went took his nice hot shower
and I just stood in there and let the
water just run on me and it felt so good
and I probably I mean I was in the for a
very long time longer than most times
and I just stood under the water and the
warmth of the water just released a lot
of stuff and so then when I was done I
was able to come into my little
sanctuary and just sit for a little bit
and just gather my thoughts and just let
that time go and realize that in the
moment it's hard to you know be calm
sometimes but we have to understand that
sometimes what we did before for our
coping may not be the healthiest route
for us now and so that's what I'm
learning is the
growls so was really exciting to be able
to share those things with my counselor
today and she was just amazed at how far
I've come because like I said before my
coping would have been run to the
cupboard and find anything I can just
pinch off of and I wouldn't even be
tasting it it was just the fact that it
was numbing me for that moment but it's
not gonna get me very far because that
numbing isn't gonna last for very long
and in fact then when I'm done then
comes you know the self guilt the shame
the judgment and then I'm gonna sit and
beat myself up for it so where is it
gonna it's not gonna pay off like I'm
seriously never gonna pay off if I am
constantly doing that so I had to really
remind myself where I'm at where I want
to be and again you guys are always in
the front load of my thoughts like when
I wanted to go and binge off I was like
what would I be encouraging others to do
I need to do that for myself too so
instead of saying oh it's okay Amy go
ahead and go and do your binge because I
know that's how you're gonna get through
I was like no you know what let's grab
your journal let's write let's you know
write our feelings out let's talk about
this on paper and then you know when all
he gets home take some time for yourself
and then today he was like you know what
honey I'm free today to allow you to go
and I want you to leave the house for a
little bit and go and just sit sit at
the park said you know just go sit
somewhere and get out of the house and
take that time for yourself and so I did
I took that you know I took that offer
up and I came back feeling so much more
recharged I felt like I can be again be
the mom that I want to be because if I
don't take care of myself I'm not gonna
be able to be there to take care of my
kids so it was a really good end of a
day because I was able to really go and
I went there from like 2:30 until almost
5:00 I was like oh gosh I really good
took some time but by the time I came
home it was like I
and I just felt so refreshed that I can
deal with my kids again and I can you
know be able to play with them and joke
with them and not feel like I'm so
overwhelmed that I can't even show a
funny side of me because I'm just so
frustrated so anyways that's just
something that you know I was really
happy to share with her today was you
know the accomplishments of learning the
new things that are getting me through
hard struggles rather than what I used
to do in the past and so yeah anyways I
had brought up earlier when I was
actually at the park and I think I
forgot that I already told you guys that
so you got double time that I was at the
park so I told you guys about my little
band figured it out so what I did was I
did some research and you have to take
the little it's like a little watch type
thing that you can slip into so it comes
in a box like that and then it comes
with three bands which is the pink one
and then looks like this and then it
comes with mine the one I chose it comes
with multiple different types of like
bands but I chose these two and then the
pink one they've got like one that has
like flowers on it they've got like men
ones they got tons of them but you just
slip it in the back right there and then
the numbers will vary well but it shows
the time and then it shows like the date
and then if I keep playing with it then
it will show me like what is this
calculator calculates 3d sensor
pedometer alarm clock date and time in
and indurated us the intergrated USB
port the factory
distance walked track calories burned
and exercise record back up so I can
stick this into my laptop and I can
download all of the information onto it
so that was really cool and you know I
was I was really excited to get that
today and I like Vera how to use it
makes it even better
but it's you know it's something just to
to be able more or less the reason I
really wanted it was for me my step
counter because you know I have my phone
and it does track my steps it really
does but only when I'm carrying my phone
and I don't really know how act it like
really how accurate it is because it's
you know I mean it's my phone but how is
it really making sure that I don't know
I I just I just wonder sometimes and it
kind of reflects with my fitness pal
because it will add extra calories for
the time that it says that I exercised
and so I want to make sure that they're
coming right so I'm definitely excited
to be able to put this up against what
my phone counts are and see how accurate
really my phone is another thing is you
know I I wanted to do this one first
before I did the plunge to buy the
really expensive one because like I was
saying earlier I am very like itchy
about things being on my wrist I know
it's really funny
that's why I got the tattoo because I
like bracelets and stuff but I don't
actually like the feeling of them so I
went ahead and I got this one so we're
gonna see how this goes
if I can really handle this one then you
know we can make the plunge off with the
other one but like Holly said well what
if you end up liking this one then when
I my goal then I'll just keep it you
know I mean either way I'll keep them no
matter which way around it but um if I
like it then I'll just keep it and I can
use it as a backup if I still want the
Fitbit charge too so we'll see I've just
been just kind of doing
some shopping around and checking prices
and stuff and amazon has the Fitbit
charge too for like 147 I want to say
and then free shipping because I have
prime so it's something to definitely
put on my wish list if it's something I
really really want but I just wanted to
try this first and make sure that it's
something I can handle on my wrist
before we go and make a big purchase
ladies and gentlemen I really don't
think I have any gentle manner maybe I
do correct me if I don't I mean correct
me if I do other than my husband yes
husband you're a gentleman
but anyways I have my gonna be doing for
you guys I'm so excited so I'm gonna
show you that here in just a minute so
here's the thing this is the this is
what we're doing I need everybody to
subscribe if you're not sure my video
and comment in this video that is how
I'm going to be able to put you guys in
for the drawing if you are one that
doesn't want your name shown and it's a
private subscriber that's totally
understandable
those are the ones that I need to email
me your name or a name that you want
called out so that way when I do the
drawing then I have a name to call out
have it be one of the people that have a
secret subscriber name so that is what
I'm asking for to be put in the drawing
and if all goes well with this box and
this box will be shipped to whoever it
is wherever you are do not worry about
this since
don't worry about none of that um the
next one will be my thousand subscriber
box and I will guarantee you that you
guys will be in love with what will be
in that box so these are mystery boxes
so you can see the outside but you can't
see the inside but I will take a secret
picture and once the winner is called
and they receive the box then the next
video that I post I will include the
picture of what they received so
everybody will eventually know what's in
the box by the end but I want to wait
until the winner receives the box has it
in their hands so that way I don't blow
the surprise and then go from there so
I'm gonna back my camera up a little bit
yes you hear my little pitter-patter sir
they're playing so here is the box yes
it's nice size
it is it will be a reusable box you guys
will be able to keep it and reuse it for
stuff I think it is so pretty I love the
birds I was like oh my gosh when I seen
it I know the light is really not doing
itself justice right now because it's a
beautiful box and it has a Velcro talk
to it and yeah I am so excited whoever
the winner is it's gonna be lucky so I
just wanted to show you guys the box and
[Music]
but yes I that's what I really really
really want to happen though is if you
guys can all subscribe to the channel if
you're not like this video comment on
this video so I can get your name and be
able because whatever names are on this
video is what I'm going to be being put
in the the drawing I don't want to miss
anybody so please make sure you just
comment something I don't care what it
is it could be your silly or I don't
care a happy face I just so I can get
everybody's names and that way I can
make sure I put everybody's name in the
drawing now the drawing is going to be
sorry guys I had to go and jump over my
calendar to see the dates I was like I
forgot the date so mark it on your
calendar it's gonna be August 13th 5
p.m. live I will be doing the name draw
so make sure you're subscribed like the
video comment anything but something on
this video it has to be this video so
that way I can start marking all the
names down and I will know who needs to
be put into the drawing if for some
reason you have
a name that you don't want to show up
email me and I can we can work that out
but for the most part I think even if
you comment on this video I don't I
don't know how that works but if you're
a secret subscriber and I can go back in
and double-check that and figure all
that out but email me and give me a name
that I can write down so that way then
when I call that name out you'll know
how to be you then you'll know which
name I'm calling so anyways that's the
excitement of the mystery box I will
show to you guys one it is very pretty
it is oh I love this box it's so
beautiful so and I will be shipping it
to whomever when's it doesn't matter
where you're at in location you will
receive the box if you are the winner so
please please please make sure that you
comment on this video and make sure that
you are subscribed and you like this
video so that I can make sure that you
guys are put into that drawing so
anyways I am gonna get going because
it's that time of the night again bad
time so I am gonna talk to you guys
again tomorrow I don't think I have any
plans for tomorrow so tomorrow is
probably gonna be a chill black
laid-back day we will see what is in
store then but I will see you guys again
tomorrow take care and I will talk to
you later
[Music]
